500 days of summer begins with a quote that ends up inevitably pulling at your heart strings by the end of the movie. "This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story," The first time I saw this film, it didn't mean much to me. I hadn't fallen in love yet, so I couldn't have possibly understood its impact. But then, one day, after my first momentous break-up as a teenage girl, I was compared to Summer. That comparison would soon follow me for the rest of my life. When I did one day fall in love, re-watching this film destroyed me. I related to Summer. In other relationships, I related to Tom. But what really destroys me about this film is that it's truly such a universal experience. Its a tale that is emotionally riveting in every way. It even inspired my recently finished novel, "Whitman and Lorelei" which has yet to be released to the public. This film has had such a huge impact on the way that I see relationships, and the way that I see love itself. Mostly, it makes me paranoid. But that's because of how realistic it is.

"Tom: You never wanted to be anybody's girlfriend, and now you're somebody's wife.
Summer: It surprised me too.
Tom: What's different now? What changed?
Summer: I don't know. It just happened.
Tom: What happened?! That's what I don't get.
Summer: I just woke up one day and I knew... what I was never sure of with you.
Tom: You know what sucks? Realizing that everything you believe in is complete bullshit. Destiny, soulmates, true love. All that stuff. It's nothing more than silly childhood fairy tale nonsense, isn't it? God!
Summer starts laughing.
Summer: One day I'm reading a book at the corner deli and this guy sits down and starts asking about it. Now he's my husband! What would have happened if I went to the movies instead? If I went somewhere else for lunch? If I showed up to eat ten minutes later? Tom, it was meant to be, just like you said. And as it was happening, I knew it. I could feel it, sure as the sun. And I kept thinking to myself, "Holy shit. Tom was right." You were right about all of it. It just wasn't me you were right about."

Kill Your Darlings

The Beat Generation has been, by far, the most influential subject when it comes to my writing, my humanity, and my soul as a whole. I saw the film "Kill Your Darlings" as a teenager, and it was revolutionary. In fact, to this day, an entire decade later, I can quote this movie like the back of my hand.

“Be careful, you are not in Wonderland. I have heard the strange madness long growing in your soul. But you are fortunate in your ignorance, in your isolation. You who have suffered, find where love hides. Give, share, lose lest we die, unbloomed.”

It tells the early tale of the beat generation, and shows how the main group met, brought together by revolutionary values and shared tragedy. If you were unaware, William Burroughs, Jack Kerouac, and Allen Ginsberg were all loosely involved in a murder near the time of their meeting.

“Extraordinary men propel society forward. It is our duty to break the law.”

This was a devastating experience, but did not stop them from pursuing their dreams of transforming the literary scene of the 1950s. Disaster brought them closer and fuelled their work, as they later fell into benders of inspiration and disillusionment. I could go on for ages about the beatniks. They do call me "Dharma Bum Poetess" for a reason!

You know how they say not to judge a book by its cover? Well I did. I picked this one up at the bookstore initially because I was infatuated by its cover. But when I began reading it I shortly realized that it was one of the most beautifully written books that I had ever read. Not only that, but the story hit home for me. It's the tale of a man exploring the romanticized city of "Alexandria" where he comes to find himself falling in love with a married seductress named Justine. Justine may have been very damaged, but her hesitation towards genuine love and affection is what I really resonated with. I saw my old shattered self in Justine, as I began to see her through the rose-colored glasses of the narrator.

“I was bewitched by the illusion that I could really come to know her; but I see now that she was not really a woman but the incarnation of a woman admitting no ties to the society we inhabited.”

“How quickly the human image was dissolving into the mythical image he had created of himself.”

“There are many forms of greatness, you know, which, when not applied to art or religion, make havoc of ordinary life. Her gift was misapplied in being directed towards love. Those she harmed she made most fruitful. She expelled people from their old selves. It was bound to hurt, and so many mistook the nature of the pain she inflicted.”

Lawrence Durrell also has an elysian, ethereal, and eloquent manner of illustrating landscapes. I also particularly adore the poetically penned philosophical snippets he embroiders into his prose. Justine is 1 of 4 books in the "Alexandria" series, but honestly the rest of them can't compare to the pure raw beauty of the first.

Henry and June

by Anais Nin

“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of the imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don't work.”

In this promiscious and very real diary, Anais Nin captures her authentic affair with both a husband and a wife, exploring sapphic undertones and infidelity in a time where such things were considered very taboo. (the 1930s) As someone who has once dabbled in experimental relationships, this book resonated with me deeply. Anais captures the intoxicating fever of falling in love with two people, and the tragedy of knowing that she could never truly posess either. Beautifully written and utterly devastating, this is bound to haunt anyone who has lived similarly in such an audacious and daring manner.

“I will always be the virgin-prostitute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman.”

Bea, the author of The Digital Meadow, wrote that, “Your personal canon reflects your intellectual and creative foundation, the influences that have formed your worldview, guided your thinking, or left a permanent mark on you. It’s a record of the things that have shaped you—intellectually, emotionally, and aesthetically.”

Bea went on to write, "You’re tracing the lines of your influences, the ideas that you keep returning to, the works that have formed the foundations of your intellectual life."

You can read the article "How to Curate Your Personal Canon" that these quotes are from here. The article was so sublime that it inspired me to create my own personal canon page!

More Impactful Films

Touched With Fire

"We of the craft are all crazy… Some are affected by gaiety, others with melancholy. But all are more or less touched." You know who said that? Lord Byron. One of the greatest manic-depressive poets of all time.”

This movie was particularly impactful for me as someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I always believed that my mania was a near-sacred state, fertile and inspirational for the act of creation. I romanticize those moments of neurosis still, to this day. That perspective is expressed a lot in this film. Two bipolar adults meet in a mental hospital and get lost on the path of a tumultous romance, their manic and depressive episodes impacting one another's sanity. While one of the love interests longs to embrace the disorders creative influence, the other partner wants to overcome the disorder she knows is destroying her livelihood. I like how they touch upon how many of the worlds most legendary artists and writers were bipolar, and I find it quite entertaining how the characters use a real self-help book as their 'bible' to fuel their bad decisions.

“This is a normal brain, lit up just in a few places. But this, this is a manic brain, fully lit. That's what you call illumination. It's the prophets through the ages who know about the gods. The prophets, when they were manic, that was when they were almost reaching full illumination.”

Fight Club

“You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.”

I attribute the birth of my passionate anti-society ravings to this film. When I saw it when I was young, I related heavily to it, their criticism of the mind-numbing 9-5 and the substanceless sheep that corrall the corporate herd. Acknowleding this philosophy helped me realize my ambitions as an artist.

“We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.”

If you haven't seen this film, you absolutely need too. Otherwise, you're probably still sleepwalking through big brother's survellainced society in oblivion. I'd also like to add that the idea of a group of criminals gathering to fight back against society inspired the premise for my unreleased, yet finished, psychological thriller "Masque of Disorder" which will hopefully hit the market sometime in the next decade.

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

Everytime I hear his voice, i'm touched to the core. It's not just Buckley's beautiful melodies that touch me, but the raw emotion he manages to convey. His lyricism is inherently poetic, and in his songs, I can feel his pain and longing as if it was my own. "Lover you should have come over" is a song that touched me so deeply that it made an appearence in my recently finished fiction novel. The main love interest is listening to it in a state of yearning, and it stands to reflect his own melancholy.

Essays that evolved me

“I hope I never stop being a beginner” by Milk and Cookies on Substack
"i think about all the people who are stuck because they’re afraid to start over. the ones who have convinced themselves they are too old, too late, too far behind to be beginners again. and then i think about the ones who refuse to let themselves become stagnant, who are always chasing that next learning curve."

“How to Cultivate Your Own Creative Ecosystem” by Natalie Brite “Dogoodbiz” on Substack
"What if your business felt more like a wild garden than a factory line? More organic than optimized? More like something alive, rooted in purpose, and shaped by your unique rhythm?"

“I'm a mosaic of everyone i've ever met” by Abhinav on Substack
And then there are the people I’ve loved. They left their colours behind—their laughter, their warmth, their way of seeing the world. But it’s not just love that shapes you. Hurt does, too. I’ve picked up sharp edges from people who broke my trust. Even those cracks become part of the pattern. They teach you how to be stronger, how to heal. I like to think those cracks are filled with gold—like kintsugi, the art of mending broken pottery.

“A lady of leisure” by Mar “The Marchive” on Substack
"You have been hand-selected for an invitation to one of the most coveted gatherings in 17th century Paris. You have been invited to a salon hosted by one of the city’s leading salonnières. What is a salon? Well, it’s more than just a party and more than idle chatter takes place in one. A salon is where the world is shaped. Here, ideas are tested, reputations are made, and artistic merit is explored."

“The tragedy of art in obscurity” by Brock Covington “The Active Mind” on Substack
"It’s often argued that art does not require an audience. Although this may be factually true, it fails to alleviate the pain and anguish of being ignored. The presence of an audience—even a few measly supporters—can make all the difference for a creator. It instills belief that what you do matters. That what you create isn’t worthless. An audience provides tangible assurance that you have something to offer the world. Simply put, it tells you to keep going."

“Are you the poet or the poem?” by ARS Poetica on Substack
"we become historians when we become questioners of our stories. to ask is not an idle thing. it is both an interrogation and a search: a devotion to the intimate, secret centre of the stories you have told yourself: a keeping of faith to truth. it is a commitment to fashioning all that has happened to you into a path both gentle and dramatic. a path leading you toward what you are, and what you will be."

“A poet makes himself a visionary through a long, boundless, and systematized disorganization of all the senses. All forms of love, of suffering, of madness; he searches himself, he exhausts within himself all poisons, and preserves their quintessences. Unspeakable torment, where he will need the greatest faith, a superhuman strength, where he becomes all men the great invalid, the great criminal, the great accursed--and the Supreme Scientist! For he attains the unknown! Because he has cultivated his soul, already rich, more than anyone! He attains the unknown, and if, demented, he finally loses the understanding of his visions, he will at least have seen them! So what if he is destroyed in his ecstatic flight through things unheard of, unnameable: other horrible workers will come; they will begin at the horizons where the first one has fallen!”

Adrienne Rich

“The woman who cherished her suffering is dead. I am her descendant. I love the scar-tissue she handed on to me, but I want to go on from here with you, fighting the temptation to make a career of pain.”

Allen Ginsberg

“My poetry is Angelical Ravings, and has nothing to do with dull materialistic vagaries about who should shoot who. The secrets of individual imagination – which are transconceptual and non-verbal – I mean Unconditional Spirit – are not for sale to this consciousness, are no use to this world, except perhaps to make it shut its trap and listen to the Spheres.”

(That lovely quote inspired the name of my literary press, Angelical Ravings!)

“1.The weight of the world is love.
2.The mind imagines all visions.
3.Man is as far divine as his imagination.
4.We must create as divine a world as we can imagine- must go on interpreting & recreating the given blank world.”

“I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of the night.”

“Now it’s weird enough to be in this human form so temporarily, without huge gangs of people, whole societies, trying to pretend that their temporary bread and breasts are the be-all and end-all of the soul’s fate, and enforcing this ridiculous opinion with big rules of conduct, bureaucracies to control the soul, FBI’s, television, wars, politics, boring religions. So what’ll we do in the next ten years? Blow up the universe? Probably not. But let’s blow up America- a false America’s been getting in the way of realization of beauty- let’s all get high on the soul.”

Lenore Kandel

GRANT AVENUE

"the dictionary says wandering is:
roaming at will, traveling
I say it's also a way of life
open to the world like a sea anemone to a rich green wave
I absorb the flowers the faces and the words
I devour the multitude
I swallow the universe
and all and everything of it becomes myself
The wonder of the world is my most essential food
and my absolute and alchemical body
would starve without it
I am a sea creature, a star creature, a human creature
no man can legislate my being"